répliques cultes de la saison 5 de Modern Family - Inscris-toi gratuitement et surfe sans pub !
Episode 01 - Suddenly, Last Summer
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Jay : If he doesn't go to Columbia, Columbia comes to me.
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Claire : Do you remember when summer meant fireflies, cut off shorts, and ice cream trucks?
Phil : Well we got one out of three!
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Phil : Sometimes I don't know if I love how much I fear Claire or fear how much I love her.
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Jay : They keep their tools in a pillowcase but they have an occasions closet.
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Phil : Little heads up, there's no way I'm not crying at this wedding.
Claire : Phil you cried on the way here.
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Gloria : He was up at 5 in the morning ironing, but he also does that when he's depressed so I don't know.
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Cam : Prepare to feel like an old denim fest because I'm about to be-dazzling you.
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Alex : It's junior year, I have to get good grades. Don't you know how competitive it is out there? Stop pressuring me!
Haley : You know, this is what happens to kids when they're not sexually active.
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Phil : Hey I see a couple of old people, this isn't one of those catheter commercials is it? Because if it gets too descriptive I'm gonna start to squirm. Oooh I just did it to myself.
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Cam : I know one Indian who was friends with a construction worker, fireman, and traffic cop.
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Haley : Look I need more sleep than you and ever since they cut down that stupid prune tree the sun has been right in my eyes every morning.
Alex : It's not a prune tree, they pruned the tree.
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Gloria (whispers) : It's the curse.
Jay : Not that I ever want to discourage you from whispering, but that's not a thing.
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Mitchell : Hey fiancé.
Cam : Hello my intended.
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Manny : You got a problem with Poppins, you got a problem with me.
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Jay : Manny got into a fight at The Sound of Music, got kicked out, I've never been so proud.
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Phil : Remember before we had kids and could just lie in bed all Saturday?
Claire : That's how we got them.
Phil : Why did I have to be so sexy?
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Cam : She can be meaner than a barn owl at sunset.
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Haley : Shouldn't she be playing Words with Friends with friends?
Alex : Grandpa is my friend.
Haley : Of course he is. That's not sad.
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Alex : Ok, that's it Grandpa's cheating.
Haley : On Gloria? How could he possibly do better?
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Jay : You'd rather kill your husband than admit you need glasses?
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Cam : Would you believe she said I'm the emotionally fragile one? I mean how crazy is that!
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Phil : The universe punished me. I did something awful to a bunch of baby crows.
Manny : Actually it's not a bunch of crows, it's called a murder.
Phil : I know what I did!
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Jay : I won't be able to hear her, she won't be able to see me.
Gloria : Well be together forever!
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Phil : Now that his hunnie gots her own money, daddy went and snagged himself some new threads girlll.
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Manny : Doesn't the wine make the cow drunk?
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Manny : She's having her hair blown out.
Jay : That's a thing? That I pay for?
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Mitchell : Okay one of us has to change. We look like twin toddlers at church.
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Gloria : I remember something nice you did. You bought me this dress yesterday when you were working.
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Haley : You're hair looks amazing, like you just got off a horse.
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Manny : Wow that was very mature of you.
Jay : Yeah well I'm a lot older now than when she started getting dressed.
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Claire : It's a little tight.
Phil : Well the salesman said it was the style and he looked like a Mumford and Son so I think he would know.
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Cam : I'm gonna go over there and be as socially magnetic as I always am, we will put this on the back burner, but underneath know I am fuming.
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Gloria : I don't like another woman in my house. I want to be the star.
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Pepper : My job is to give you a snowflake that makes everyone die with jealousy.
Cam : That's all we've ever wanted.
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Jay : A thousand therapists couldn't do what Gloria did for me.
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Andy : I'm the new Manny.
Manny : Am I being replaced?
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Jay (about Andy) : He's a weird man. He's like Phil except I have to pay for him.
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Frank : Claire, I owe you a pack of lady razors.
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Claire : Did you see that? When has your dad ever not wanted to pull Luke's finger. He's hurting.
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Phil : Their ship went down but their love lasted forever!
Episode 07 - A Fair to Remember
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Mitchell [to Lily] : Wanna get our face painted like a pretty butterfly?
Cam : No I’m not in the mood.
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Cam : That’s the worst call since they cast Russell Crowe in Les Miz!!
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Gloria : You didn’t seem to care when you were eating all his practice cake.
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Alex : She’s so new to our school, she doesn’t even realize that I’m a full social class below her.
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Phil : Uh, uh, nobody throws up until I sing.
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Claire : Have you seen the way he looks at her? The same way he used to look at Halloween candy.
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Haley : I’m Alex, who are you?
Andy : I’m their manny.
Haley : Nice try, I know their Manny and you look nothing like him.
Andy : Ohhh, you’re Haley
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Jay : Closet Con is the premiere North American trade show for the closet industry. I stopped going years ago because it’s a trade show for the closet industry.
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Mitchell : Missouri, misery, huh?
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Phil : Who says people at the closet convention get all the fun?
Luke : No one, no one says that.
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Manny : You know what’s super helpful? When the guy in line behind you calls you Mount Sweatmore.
Luke : I was trying to relax you.
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Gloria : Hello Houstons? We have a situation.
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Lily : Y’all fightin?
Cam : No no sweetie, we’re just having a conversation about how your daddy can be so stuck up.
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Gloria : Sisters before misters!
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Claire : I was kind of the star of the evening. I got a huge laugh when I coined the phrase “shelf esteem.” Huh? Yeah? Okay, I’ll text it to Phil.
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Cam : We never told Grandma ‘bout the gay.
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Lily : Stop Dad you’re embarrassing me.
Mitchell : Welcome to the rest of your life sweetheart.
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Haley : You’re like that guy from the movie who wishes he was never born.
Alex : It’s a Wonderful Life.
Haley : You say that but do you mean it?
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Cam : Now I don’t get what tuna net you dolphins swam into but you guys are drowning out there!
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Claire : So I finally get out of the closet and there’s dad looking down on me.
Mitchell : Been there.
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Phil : Two things I bring to every open house, my lucky pen and a smile. I haven’t sold a house all month. Do you see me saying “I’m done”? Never. Because there is no “done” in Dunphy.
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Phil : As a my favorite redhead once sang, “the sun will come out tomorrow.” That redhead of course was Mitchell, introducing me to the plucky orphan Annie. Whose never say die attitude pulled this country out of a little thing called The Great Depression. And anything a little girl can do, I can try to do too.
Episode 10 - The Old Man & the Tree
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Haley : When I wake up in my own room tomorrow I’ll be giving thanks for my independence and isn’t that what Christmas is all about?
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Gloria : You know what they say, houseguests start to stink after 3 days like dead bodies.
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Jay: Trees are like women, the best ones make you work just a little bit harder.
Manny: She’s just not that into you.
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Mitchell : 5 oclock Christmas Eve and I have to find a dozen perfect presents for the world’s snarkiest, cattiest men. My dear, dear friends.
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Alex: Am I just going to nitpick everyone until they leave me?
Haley: Hey mom found somebody!
Episode 11 - And One to Grow On
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Phil : He keeps resisting but it's in his blood. I come from a long line of dancing Dunphys. A kickline actually.
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Claire : Driving with Alex is torture. She drives so slowly, I have to be the only parent who slams on the imaginary gas.
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Luke: It's called growing up and having your own interests. Like the minister's daughter in your precious Footloose.
Phil: Wow, using my own movie against me. Let's hear it for the boy.
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Cam: Poker face, poker face.
Mitchell: Ok, now work on your poker voice.
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Haley : Okay that's a lot of mirror looking and that's me saying that.
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Jay : I'm fine, he's only one. I watched him pee into his own face and smile.
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Phil [about Alex] : She’s like a self-cleaning oven.
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Lily : My other daddy says your yard looks like a litter box.
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Cam : There’s a caste system at school. Academic teachers at the top, gym teachers at the bottom. It’s offensive and disrespectful, they treat us like we’re lunch ladies.
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Haley: You’re super green!
Mitchell: I know! I’m recycling a dollhouse, I recycled a child.
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Phil : It’s all gravy, when you’re in the A.V.
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Jay : I think I’m recording the game but you can never know. The last time I got 6 hours of Bravo.
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Claire : Wow so intense. I had no idea the kind of pressure you were under. Honey, I was just you for two hours, I could barely hold it together. I don’t know how you don’t have a meltdown everyday.
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Claire [to Haley] : Is this what you’re gonna do with your life? Sleep late and take a selfie?
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Phil: He seems like a real go-getter huh?
Haley: Why cause he goes and gets things?
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Haley : Look, I have no problem drinking. I can literally do it standing on my head. But A ,not with my parents. Plus also I needed to stay sharp because they were obviously up to something and I was in no mood. I barely got 10 hours of sleep last night.
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Cam : We didn’t say Grace, we said on your marks, get set go.
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Mitchell [about Cam] : Oh please. He slips in and out of that accent like Kate Winslet in Titanic.
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Manny [to Jay] : I don’t get it, you’re the greatest generation, but why can’t you feel?
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Manny: You have to face it Jay, one day I’m gonna be moving out of this house.
Jay: Can I get that in writing? Cause I just can’t shake this image of a 30 year old you, eating my food and cuddling with my wife.
Gloria: Boys should never stop cuddling their mothers.
Jay: I’m gonna have nightmares!
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Haley: That's the old salvage yard where kids go to get high.
Claire: What? We are going there right now!
Phil: Wait, wait are you sure?
Haley: I'm gonna answer and then I'm gonna walk away, deal? I'm 420% sure.
Phil: Wow, she's bad at math.
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Mitchell: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
Cam: Well you did and do you know what the sad thing is? We could be laughing at someone's calf implants right now.
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Claire : Do you see anything suspicious? Like smoke, or paraphernalia, or nachos?
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Alex : Should you be more worried that Haley has a nurse's uniform in her closet?
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Gloria: Some people you turn your back for one second and they have another family from the bad side of town.
Jay: You ARE my other family from the bad side of town.
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Cam : That's different, that was gossip and gossip belongs to everyone.
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Haley : I've been lonely. Having a mirror in my room will be like having company.
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Phil : A happy kid is like an anti-depressant. But a natural one, not the kind your husband has to find in your jewelry drawer.
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Haley : Oh my God I'm missing a text.
Alex : It just got real didn't it?
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Cam : Her head sounds like pop rocks.
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Cam : You win an Oscar. You buy a Golden Globe.
Episode 16 - Spring-A-Ding-Fling
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Alex : Ew it's so sad when parents try. My mom double pierced one of her ears and I'm like "Hello! You're 50."
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Claire : Now there are pushy obnoxious moms, who try and get involved, nudge them towards one another...we mean well.
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Cam : You know what I say, I might be coach but I like to travel first class!
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Jay : Trust me, when I get done talking to her not only will she have confessed to the crime, I might even sell her a closet.
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Phil : They say the greats never let anything affect their performance. Well maybe the greats never had a daughter who checked out during the third of five planned real time wardrobe changes. But I'm not gonna lie, it knocked me off my game.
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Cam : I had a choice to make. Be the better dancer or the bigger man. So I stepped off the dance floor and made the obvious call. You wanna win over a crowd? Invite a lonely mom to dance. She never saw it coming and neither did he.
Episode 17 - Other People’s Children
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Mitchell [to Jay] : Unlike you, I don't need a reason to watch a bunch of guys run around in shorts.
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Phil : I used to make stuff for Claire all the time. I think my artistry was what locked her down.
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Gloria: This is fun for me. You're my stepdaughter.
Claire: I'm older than you.
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Luke [about Phil] : He says the only tool you need is a sense of humor.
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Cam: Do you feel what's happening here?
Mitchell: I feel pinching!
Cam: I'm the weak link in the super-group.
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Phil : I love film-making and I love love. I guess you could say I enjoy making love on film and I love doing it by myself.
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Claire : I am my father's daughter, and sorta his son.
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Jay : Hey luxury bathroom, it's me lowly closet. Watch your back.
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Cam : Oh my gosh, an actual gay agenda.
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Phil : Whoa that warmer drawer really works. It's like my mom's hugging my feet again.
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Claire : Vegas you have a gambling problem and her name is Claire.
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Cam: You wanna tell me how you accidentally gave someone your key?
Mitchell: You wanna tell me why you spent all day sipping tequila out of some guy's navel?
Cam: You saw that?
Mitchell: I guessed!
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Jay [to Langham] : Nice robe, like Hef back in the day. I'm gonna cut to the chase. I like your lifestyle, I want a taste of it.
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Jay : Wait they're allowed up there? They're wearing dungarees!
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Mitchell: You sound just like the kid who bullied me into smoking my first cigarette.
Claire: Maybe this time you won't tell on me.
Episode 19 - Other People’s Children
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Phil : Just a warning, I haven't shampooed professionally since college and that was only part-time to pay for my cheer gear.
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Cam: Hey we got a package from my dad!
Mitchell: No air holes in the box, that's a good sign.
Cam: Lily loved having that chicken.
Mitchell: One more time than she realized.
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Manny : This hair at a pool party? One dunk and it goes off like an airbag.
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Jay : Back in Vietnam I had Hepatitis, still managed to cook Thanksgiving dinner for 300 soldiers. I think I can handle sauce.
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Luke : C'mon we gotta go! That party's full of sophomores. Those women have lived.
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Mitchell: This is how Cam's dad sees me, like some fawning damsel.
Jay: If anything, Cam's the damsel.
Mitchell: Dad! Thanks.
