Répliques cultes de la saison 4 de Modern Family - Inscris-toi gratuitement et surfe sans pub !
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Phil: Don't be disrespectful Luke, anybody could do it with Gloria.
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Gloria: I'm pregnant.
Claire: You're gonna get so fat!
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Claire: Sure I had a little peppermint schnapps at my prom but I kicked my boyfriend out before my parents woke up. It's called respect.
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Alex [to Haley]: She's being facetious...sarcastic...Dylan no stay!
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Mitchell [to Cam]: So what you're saying is you have a child shaped hole in your heart and you wanna stuff a cat into it.
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Claire: Haley going to college is a miracle. Lily going to kindergarten is the law.
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Manny: What if this baby doesn't think things through, it's part Jay!
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Gloria : Done! I win.
Teacher : It's not a race.
Jay : You're darn right. It wasn't even close.
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Principal: Mr. Tucker, what happened out there was unacceptable.
Cameron: I agree. Is this kindergarten or The Hunger Games?
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Gloria: I wrapped my son with one hand while driving a stick. I know how to keep my kid safe.
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Claire : It's shaving time, shavy gravy, Shaved by the Bell!
Alex : Why are you talking like dad?
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Haley : Oh my God, what is that outfit? Are you going goth? You still sleep with a stuffed panda.
Alex : Isn't there a fraternity you need to pass out in?
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Phil : Um, I think I'm supposed to have ice cream.
Claire : Hmm. Actually, I don't...
Phil : I'm sorry. Is it a vasecto-you, or a vasectomy?
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Luke : He's having an ass-ectomy.
Phil : What?
Luke : I hear things.
Haley : You're getting your tonsils out?
Alex : Ohh! This family needs a dumbass-ectomy!
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Jay : So you're saying that if I can deal with you, then I can handle... any other little girl?
Phil : I think I'd put it a-a little differently.
Jay : No, I-I-I think that's right. Thanks.
Episode 4: The Butler's Escape
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Claire : Honey, Luke's gone.
Phil : Claire, spontaneous human combustion is very rare.
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Cameron : You know, I highly doubt some teenagers are gonna throw rose petals at my feet.
Mitchell : Yeah.
Cameron : But I wouldn't be surprised if I got slow-clapped out of my first class.
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Cameron : So now let's form an orchestra made up of my favorite instruments... your beautiful bodies.
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Claire : Why are you hugging?
Cam : Because I know if he called you for help, heard as many insults as I know he had to hear, then he had a worse day than me.
Episode 5: Open House of Horrors
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Claire : I was plenty scary. I used professional-grade makeup.
Phil : That's the point, Claire. It was overkill. You're the kind of person who can be twice as scary without wearing any makeup. Bye.
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Cameron : Why is she so obsessed with princesses?
Mitchell : Well... Like we weren't at that age?
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Gloria : Aren't you too old to be trick-or-treating?
Skeleton Boy : Aren't you too old to be having a baby?
Gloria : Ah, you find that funny, lemon? Here's a better joke. Knock, knock. What's gone? Your candy!
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Phil: Seriously, Gryffindor letting his mom carry his quidditch pole, how Hufflepuff is that?
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Jay [to Gloria]: You've been deported twice; you're not allowed to be that defensive.
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Phil: Hey, the world needs more dreamers Luke. Never stop licking things.
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Alex: I know what you think about Michael, mom. You didn't have to bring your big gay guns in to back you up. No offense.
Mitchell: None taken.
Cam: I kinda like it.
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Cam: When I was young and straight, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rock star. I'm not proud of it.
Mitchell: You're kinda proud of it, you work it into a lot of conversations.
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Phil: I'm not nervous, I've had hogs bigger than this between my legs!
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Claire [about Alex]: If she wants to get her heart broken by a gay guy, she can do so when she's 18 or 19 and can drink her way through it.
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Luke: Wake up Delgado, locked box, from Columbia, no more questions, it's obviously a human head.
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Jay: You're wearing a $10K watch and you haggling over 15 cents?
Guy: You live in this place and you can't let that 15 cents go?
Jay: Fine 35.
Guy: Can you break a 50?
Jay: Get out.
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Cam: Phone! I bet that's Mama, I was just dreaming it was raining chickens.
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Haley: What is this a solar system?
Alex: They're molecules.
Haley: No they're nerdy balls.
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Haley: In Legally Blonde Elle won her case because she was true to herself and dressed cute.
Phil: Haley this is real life, not an excellent movie.
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Phil: Look this has gotta be some kind of mistake. Our daughter is tiny, there's no way she assaulted anyone. Insulted maybe. Was the cop wearing white socks and dark shoes? Because that really sets her off.
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Jay: If you had a husband who liked picking out strollers you wouldn't be having a baby.
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Alex [to Claire]: You're just mad because now you can't parade me around like some show pony. Oh don't deny it you bought the two day cushion.
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Cam: What did I tell you, that place is like a gay bar with dumbbells.
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Phil: It's kind of my lucky number. It's the year Footloose came out.
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Gloria: The baby kicked me all night. It's either going to be a football player or a chorus girl.
Cam: You can be both. My senior year I was a right side linebacker and a left side cancan dancer in Gigi.
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Manny: Luke I need you for this. You're sneakier than I am, you a bigger liar, you have no moral compass.
Luke: Look thanks for all the compliments, but breaking into one stupid party? That's not even a challenge.
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Haley: Ok on one hand I'm like ugh I have to pick up garbage all day and on the other hand I'm like wow look at me in orange!
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Manny: Does anyone care that I'm not from Mexico?
Luke: You keep saying that but we've never seen a birth certificate.
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Alex: There's not one embarrassing photo of Haley. Even her mugshots were cut.
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Cam: I'm a doer and an action taker. Sean Penn would play me in a movie about this. Or Anne Hathaway if they wanted a female driven vehicle.
Mitchell: And who would play your long suffering partner?
Cam: Julianne Moore either way.
Mitchell: I would totally see that. I would.
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Gloria: I have two brains in my body but I've never felt so dumb.
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Jay [to Manny]: For God's sake change out of those wingtips. You're a kid, not Nixon on the beach!
Episode 10: Diamond In The Rough
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Phil: Work hard. Keep your eye on the ball. Stay focused. Never... Check it out! Cam in overalls!
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Gloria: And this is our dining room, where we eat. And this is our kitchen, where we also eat.
Manny: Who are you talking to? It looks like you lost your tour.
Jay: Or your mind.
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Manny: I had a perfect record... 22 games, and I hadn't played a single inning. Then the McCoy twins' grandma dies, and suddenly I'm starting at right field. What does that even mean? Is it the same as stage right?
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Luke: You think you can do that every time?
Manny: What, get hit on purpose?
Luke: If you wanna get on base and be a hero. Some men are born into greatness. Others have it chucked at their face.
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Cameron: I'm gonna be the designer... Because I know about colors and shapes.
Mitchell: Yeah, so does Lily.
Claire: I'm gonna be the contractor.
Mitchell: And I'm gonna be the astronaut. Oh, this is fun. Phil, you go.
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Jay: Papa'd buy ten diamond rings to get that mockingbird to shut the hell up. But I wasn't gonna tell Gloria she was a terrible singer. That's just taking a bath with a toaster. Still, the thought of that poor little thing stuck in there like a hostage, listening to that racket days on end... I just couldn't take it.
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Haley: And listen to all my friends talk about how awesome college is? I know how awesome college is. That's what got me kicked out.
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Cameron: Lily, are you ready for your big sleepover with your cousins?
Lily: Who's watching me?
Mitchell: Haley.
Lily: I'm serious.
Mitchell: Alex.
Lily: Okay, let's go.
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Phil: Never trust pictures on the Internet. Shoot it from the right angle, you can make anything look bigger and better.
Claire: Houses, you pervs. He's a realtor.
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Alex: Hey. You sure you don't wanna play "The hunger games" with all of us?
Haley: My whole life is a hunger game. Why do you think I'm so mean to you?
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Cameron: Ugh. This is ridiculous. We can't even get a drink. Everyone in here's 11, and I'm hot!
Mitchell: If we were hot, we'd be drinking right now.
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Luke: What do you want?
Haley: You have to keep your door open.
Luke: Why?
Alex: Uh, well, why do you need it closed?
Luke: Because we're gonna make out.
Haley: Well, you... You can't have your door closed.
Luke: Why? Do you wanna to watch or something? That's weird.
Alex: Ew!
Haley: Ew! Of course we don't wanna watch.
Luke: Perfect. [He shuts the door]
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Manny: Can I offer you a pina Delgado? It's my own concoction.
Joyce: What's in it?
Manny: Let's just say it's cool, it's sweet, and it's not afraid to embrace its own whimsy.
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Gloria: Oh, my God. A classic Rolls Corniche. I have been in love with this car my whole life. In my village, if you didn't drive one of these, you couldn't call yourself a drug lord.
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Cam: Please to not turn me marrying my daughter into something ugly.
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Kenny: Hey I don't think we've met I'm Kenny.
Alex: And I'm disgusted.
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Luke: And the birthday video becomes a nature film.
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Manny: Kids make fun of you if you get a haircut. I just gave them a full blown sex scandal.
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Phil: These jeans just slipped on me so perfectly, my name must be "Pantserella."
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Haley: You used to be fun.
Phil: You used to be....what? Oh yeah, at college.
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Cam [to Mitchell]: We're not bad parents, Claire is!
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Haley: Dad tried to fix all our problems and instead ruined all our lives.
Alex: Nightmare.
Claire: You girls are so dramatic. Do I need to call you a wambulance?
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Claire: You have an in law who no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you can't win over.
Jay: What about it?
Claire: Oh that doesn't sound familiar?
Jay: You're not saying.
Claire: Mmhmm, yeah I am.
Jay: Son of a bitch, I'm Phil!
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Jay: Nobody doesn't like me. I'm Jay. I'm salt of the earth.
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Claire: Wow pretty cozy with the new housekeeper huh?
Gloria: She's my sister.
Claire: Wow pretty weird with your sister!
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Phil: Is there some kind of dress code for Godparents?
Claire: You're not wearing a fedora Phil.
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Jay: Fulgencio Umberto, the initials are F.U. Pritchitt which is exactly the way it feels right now.
Episode 14 : A Slight at the Opera
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Alex: It's like scrabble with Haley. After awhile you're just playing against yourself.
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Claire: I wanted to tell Haley the dangers of starting a family too early but what could I say that couldn't have been said better by a screaming baby?
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Jay: Son of a bitch you're an embarrassment! You're kicking up more sand than a sea turtle laying eggs.
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Alex: You maybe wanna take a shift carrying this dry ice?
Gloria: No I just had a baby.
Alex: I watched you carry Manny to bed.
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Classmate: Why is it taking you so long? How hard is it for you to paint a wall?
Luke: A lot harder than your so-called singing. At least this is supposed to be flat.
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Jay: First rule of golf, shhh.
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Phil: I'm sorry for dozens of things everyday that actually happen, if I start apologizing for things that don't happen, how productive of a person would I be?
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Manny: My secret admirer asked that I wear a hat with a feather in it.
Jay: Which one?
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Jay: Just keep hitting all those buttons until something good happens, that's my plan anyway.
Gloria: Woof.
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Manny: Happy Valentine's Day, it's the one time of year when the world tries to be as romantic as I am all the time. Good luck world.
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Phil: Everybody who I did not create, get out of my house right now.
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Gloria: I know a lot of people think I'm attracted to Jay because of his mind. But they're wrong. I'm attracted to him because he's sexy.
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Mitchell: I had a pretty good hat run, but then I saw a photo of myself in a dude ranch. I looked like Reba at the Grammys.
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Mitchell: I don't wanna meet anything on Monday that I'm gonna eat on Friday.
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Mitchell: We've had my dad's baby 45 minutes and he's already in a dress.
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Phil: I should get going, my allergies are starting to cry.
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Cameron: Well you might as well be a dead hobo in the woods of a small town after a rainstorm because you have just been discovered.
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Manny: Just coffee for me today. Black. Like I feel on the inside.
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Gloria: This is not my first language. I don't understand English very goodly.
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Lily: But Daddy he's really good.
Mitchell: I'm really good too.
Lily: But it's a sport.
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Jay: Or he took a page from the old Jay Pritchett playbook, saw the crap he was in for and pretended to be asleep.
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Frank: Are we gonna do that thing again where you try on different outfits like in Pretty Woman?
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Claire: Yesterday I accidentally said eleventy five.
Episode 19 : "The Future Dunphys"
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Claire: Alex what have I told you about staying out past your curfew?
Alex: I need to do it more often.
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Phil: Haley you're not quitting, you're resigning it sounds better.
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Manny: I've always felt out of place in public school, like a long petunia in an onion patch.
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Jay: You know what was a rare book at my school library, one that didn't have genitals drawn all over it.
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Cam: I knew when I was 5.
Mitchell: Everyone knew when you were 5.
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Phil: It's coming from the future and it ain't pretty.
Haley: I don't understand, in the future I'm not pretty?
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Luke: I'm not adorable, I'm getting a mustache
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Haley: Went to college at a place called MIT.
Alex: M.I.T.
Haley: I know how to spell it.
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Mitchell: Easy Duchess, it's just one room, not Gosford Park.
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Phil: Prepare to Phil the agony of Dunfeat! Both names!
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Haley: Okay so after a quick scan of his facebook, twitter, tumblr, pinterest and instagram, this is what I know.
Luke: Privacy is dead?
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Alex: He keeps asking me to hand him all of the instruments, he wants me to act like a nurse.
Luke: Now it sounds like a date in Haley's life.
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Phil: It's Luke's career day. I thought I'd offer the kids a chance to put their face on my body.
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Cam: Well obviously the tooth fairy made a mistake.
Mitchell: Maybe it's cause the tooth fairy had a little too much chardonnay last night.
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Jay: This behavior of yours is not gonna fly when you lose your looks.
Gloria: Awww, you'll be long gone by then.
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Claire: You have dumb ideas.
Phil: Name one...that went on for awhile.
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Gloria: You had a 3 hour nap on Sunday.
Jay: I was tired.
Gloria: From what, your 2 hour nap on Saturday?
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Phil: How low can you go?
Haley: I'm at a roller rink with my family on a Saturday night. I win!
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Jay: What did I say about these flowered blankets for him? He's starting to take after Hugh Hefner over there.
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Gloria: I can't lie to that face. It's a good thing we're not married.
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Luke: You know, I've got problems of my own. I can't always be the lovable sidekick on the manny show. Did you even notice I'm binge eating?
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Cam: Mitchell look around, your family is cheating on me with your ex boyfriend!
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Claire: The way he looked at me, it was like I wore a tube top in church.
Episode 23 : Games People Play
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Gloria: He's a lying, scheming little sneak. That's my son.
Jay: Our son.
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Phil [to Claire]: I know that tone. You're making a point.
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Claire: Maybe I bring out the worst in them when there's no fun loving Phil around to neutralize my toxins.
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Haley: Oh yeah she can wear whatever she wants after I've had it for six months.
Alex: Or I get it automatically if you buy anything that looks like it.
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Manny: I don't want my mom there. I'm exploring some darker themes I'm not sure she's ready for. Poems like the umbilical noose, a jail called mom, Smother nature. She'll just find a way to make it all about her.
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Manny: What kind of man writes poetry on the computer?
Jay: You could've ended that sentence after poetry.
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Cam: Jump, swim, now give me your best Beyonce.
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Claire: 10 days on the road with those kids? Winnebag-no.
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Alex: She said I was just like her.
Haley: Was she weirdly competitive?
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Mitchell: C'mon does Gloria really look like the kind of woman who would run a brothel? Yeah I better go with her.
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Manny: I love it here, manicured lawns, planned activities, early dinners, what more does a kid need?
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Phil: When my dad is ready he gets to pick his own girlfriend, that's the big upside to your wife dying. Also not having to think before you speak.
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Cam: Why does drama keep following me everywhere I go? It just pops up out of nowhere.
