Répliques cultes de la saison 2 de Modern Family - Inscris-toi gratuitement et surfe sans pub !
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Mitchell: I know I'm not the handiest guy, but I'm still a man and I want to be able to look out into my yard and say, 'There's a little bit of me in that princess castle.
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Claire: Look at them: A minute ago they were babies, and now their driving, and soon we'll all be dead.
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Phil: You can insult a lot of things about me - my hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises - but don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's because I just sold it!
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Cameron: If I have to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar one more time, I will snap!
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Cameron: Every home-improvement project we've undertaken has been a near-death experience.
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Jay: Was that before or after you were delivered to my door in a squad car wearing nothing but your underwear and a police hat.
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Phil: Look who needs me now? Mr. Hot Dog fingers can't press 'print' without hitting three extra keys. Yeah, in my house now Jay! Technically we'll be in his house, but we'll be in my area of his house.
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Claire: Your kids don't need to know who you were before you had them; they need to know who you wish you were, and try to live up to that person. They're gonna fall short, but better they fall short of the fake you than the real you.
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Luke: I brought you some soda, but I couldn't find any straws, so you'll have to drink it like cats.
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Claire: You're grounded for four weeks!
Haley: Why don't you just double it and make it 10?
Alex: Do you not see how much you need to study?!?
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Cam [on dating Pepper]: It was the nineties, we'd just lost Princess Di. I was at sea
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Mitchell: You're like a mob wife. You complain about what I do, but have no problem wearing the fur that fell off the back of the truck.
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Mitchell: If we're found dressed like this, it won't look good for the gays.
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Phil: We're not going to play good cop/mom.
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Phil: It's like they say, sometimes God closes a door, but sometimes he closes it so hard, you can't get your wife out.
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Cam: Disabled inter-racial lesbians? With an African-American kicker? I did not see that coming.
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Cam: Well, my white-man name is Tucker. I am 1/16 Cherokee. Ready for child to soar like eagle.
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Jay: Don't most kids drink soda?
Manny: Who knows what they do?
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Gloria: He scared the baby cheeses out of me!
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Cam: That's a lot of complaining for somebody who asked for thirds of our tandoori turkey last year.
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Cam: Really, Mitchell? The worst Halloween ever? You had squeaky thighs; I lost a childhood.
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Manny: Where did I hear that siren?
Jay: That was your mother screaming.
Gloria: I wasn't that bad.
Jay: Cars were pulling over.
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Phil [to Luke]: You're worried about germs? I've seen you kiss a pigeon on the mouth.
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Manny: These will be my last words to you.
Jay: Knock knock.
Manny: Who's there?
Episode 8: "Manny Get Your Gun"
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Manny: Look at Luke there, making one big straw out of three. Never change, Luke.
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Haley: Dad, that was a stop sign.
Phil: I'll stop twice on the way back.
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Manny: I really thought it was too late for me. But for the last few minutes, I've been watching all of you acting like children and it hit me. I've got plenty of time left to be a kid.
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Phil: Sad face emoticon! I can feel the hurt through the phone!
Episode 10: "Dance Dance Revelation"
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Manny: At this rate, I'm going to miss the first dance...at my wedding!
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Cam: We'll be on her like white on rice... which might sound racist because we're white and she, presumably, like rice.
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Luke: Here's something I didn't know about mannequins: They don't have a wiener.
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Cam: Oh, the smiley face makes it okay! 'I waterboarded our toddler, LOL!'
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Cam: She bit me! Ow! She did it again! It's like Twilight back here!
Episode 11: "Slow Down Your Neighbors"
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Phil: I called the florist and order one dozen Mylar balloons. Good luck staying mad, honey!
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Jay [on Gloria and Manny's lack of bike-riding skills]: Two thirds of my house can't do what a billion Chinese do.
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Jay: Stephen Hawking could ride that bike.
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Phil: Luke, I am your father. That's what I said to you when you were coming out of your mom's lady parts.
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Phil: She has to run everyday or she goes crazy, she's like a Border Collie.
Claire: Did you just compare me to a dog?!?
Phil: The smartest in the world!
Episode 12: "Our Children, Ourselves"
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Cam: You don't tell your partner you may have a baby with someone else and then go back to eating a delicious and inventive meal like it's NOTHING!
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Phil: Why do I have to watch a French movie, I didn't do anything wrong.
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Mitchell: You're so gay you can't even think of real girls names.
Episode 13: "Caught in the Act"
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Phil [on sex]: It's like your shaking hands, but you're not using your hands. At all.
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Claire: We need a game plan, we need to map out exactly what we are going to say, because that is the only way I will be able to hold it together while our babies look at us with judgment and disgust.
Phil: That's how they always look at us.
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Gloria: It sended! Please come back!
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Luke [on seeing his parents having sex]: Whatever they were doing, Dad was winning.
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Phil: We were, as they say, having sex.
Claire: That's not a euphemism. That's actually what we were doing.
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Claire: I know Phil and I are going to grow old together someday, but today is not that day.
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Phil: You look hot enough to cook a pizza on... in
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Claire: Every time he opens his mouth I can feel my daughters losing respect for me.
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Mitchell: I guess you don't respect party themes.
Cam: You did NOT just say that.
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Phil: I've got Gloria! I've got Gloria!
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Phil: Happy Valenbirthuhhhversary!
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Jay: You know, when you get a massage, you sound like a Tijuana prostitute.
Episode 17: "Two Monkeys and a Panda"
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Claire: I want them to share clothes, do each others hair and gossip about boys. Like i did with Mitchell.
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Gloria: Ta-da is for when you do a flip or where the magician cuts the pretty lady in half, not when you show someone where you want to shove their dead body.
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Claire: Little kids can be friends with old people, right?
Phil: Of course they can, there's tons of examples: Up, Gran Torino, True Grit..."
Claire: Cartoon, kills himself, she loses an arm. We've gotta go talk to that guy."
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Mitchell: When I was 12-years-old my father walked into my bedroom and caught me doing the most embarrassing thing that a boy can do: dancing to Madonna's 'Lucky Star.'
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Haley: She had to take Alex to the oncologist... She needed new glasses.
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Claire: If Hannibal Lecter and Freddy Krueger had a lovechild, he would be afraid of our next-door neighbor.
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Cam: Why do you have to throw a wet blanket on my dreams?
Mitchell: I do not.
Cam: You do it all the time and you know what I end up with? Wet Dreams. I heard it as soon as I said it; just leave it alone.
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Claire: Sweetie we did it! Our baby is average!
Episode 20: "Someone to Watch Over Lily"
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Cameron: You punctured our daughter!
Gloria: But did you see both sides? I didn't just do the gay ear, look!
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Mitchell: How are you doing?
Cameron: Oh not good. I'm just glad my clown training prepared me to take a fall like that.
Mitchell: In terms of talking about it, are we looking at weeks? Months?
Cameron: Do not minimize it, oh he who I had to rush to the emergency room when he fell out of his clogs.
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Cameron: Wait! There's the esteem-building parent right there. Wait! I think I hear future Lily sending us a message from her stripper pole. Thanks gay-dad dads; this dance is for you!
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Luke: She's like the best doctor ever. A couple of puzzles. No shots. I didn't even have to take my pants off. I found that one out a little late.
Phil: I've been there buddy.
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Cameron: I love Jay, but I don't know about him raising a child.
Mitchell: He raised me.
Cameron: Well now you've put me in an awkward position.
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Luke: One time, she gave me a Woody.
Claire: Sweet J...
Luke: She remembered he's my favorite character from Toy Story.
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Luke: I say we eat what we kill.
Manny: Then I guess we'll be eating the mood.
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Haley: Don't feel. Just go splash water on your face and man up. We're your mother now.
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Gloria: I love Manny, but sometimes, I...be a boy. Go outside kick a ball and steal something.
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Jay: How much longer do I have to listen to the Julia Child impression?
Phil: For as long as it's still funny.
Jay: I think the timer just went off on that.
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Mitchell: You do love pink.
Cam: No, pink loves me.
Episode 22: "Good Cop Bad Dog"
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Claire: Luke, honey, come back I said I was sorry.
Luke: I'm 12, I need limits.
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Alex: Dad, we haven't had lunch yet.
Phil: Neither have half the kids in Africa. Stop yappin' and get back to work.
Episode 23: "See You Next Fall"
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Phil: Hey momma bear, you okay?
Claire: Not with momma bear I'm not.
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Phil: "My wife won't let me go to Vegas." Trust me that is not a phone call you want to make to a group of ex-college male cheerleaders. They will mock you with a hurtful rhythmic taunt.
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Haley: If you do this you'll be a social piranha.
Alex: Yes, I'll be an Amazonian carnivorous fish.
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Manny: Hey luke, do you realize in two years we'll both be graduating?
Luke: Not now. I think I'm moving the ball with my mind.
Manny: Well, I'll be graduating.
Episode 24: "The One That Got Away"
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Manny: I have a tennis racquet upstairs I only use as a bubble-bath frothier.
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Luke: Let me work my magic. It's all about creative editing. Just give me two hours, and then another hour.
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Jay: Sausage-of-the-month club really nailed it in May, but honey, no offense, they almost lost me last month with that chorizo.
Gloria: Why no offense? It's a sausage, it's not on our flag.
